We were going home from my aunt's place. It was past midnight. But when you live in Mumbai, theres nothing like "too late". The city never sleeps.
It was a Sunday night and the streets were still full of life. We were passing the building where I lived for about thirteen years. My dad slowed the car. We usually meet people we know there, since we know almost everyone. So its like a tradition. Going slowly to just spot people we know.
As we slowed, I caught a glimpse of my friend. I could've have yelled her name. I could have waved. I could've even smiled. & she'd notice. But I just didn't try to grab her attention. I wasn't ignoring her or anything. It just didn't seem important enough.
Flashback.
28th March 2005.
I am in 5th grade. My mom is a teacher. She makes me go to school every day. I have 100% attendance. I am a straight A student. I am the teachers pet. But I can bunk school today. & I'm not sick. Nor did anyone in the family die. I can't believe my mom allowed this.
Allowed me to bunk school to go to water kingdom. I had been dancing all morning.
It was my bestfriends birthday. To make things easy lets call her P.
Her parents asked my mom if I could go to Water Kingdom with P & her family to celebrate her birthday and surprisingly my mom allowed.
Water Kingdom was the place to be back then and to say that I was excited would be an understatement.
I remember this so clearly because I caught some virus at Water Kingdom and got chicken pox and haven't since visited it.
But I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we were best friends. I was the one friend she picked to spend her whole birthday with.
She was a year younger than me. && we didn't go to the same school. But lived in the same building & after school, we were inseparable. We were the 'cool kids'. The oldest also. We bossed over everyone. We were a team. Always.
Flash forward.
After passing my 'old building' or so to say. I plugged in my headphones, that I had momentarily disconnected in search of a known face, and blasted my music. The impact of what just happened didn't exist. I barely noticed I did something that I might regret.
Flash back.
May 2009.
My dad calls. I'm at home watching TV. I groan as I answer the phone. "Yes daddy, what now?" He sounds worried. He asks me to go to my old building. Right NOW. He isn't worried. Concerned. Yes. Why? I ask him. He tells me P's mom passed away. I don't believe it. I tell him it can't be true. Did he say grandmom? I never liked her grandmom much. No, dad says. Her mom. & I want you to go there & be there for her.
I rush out of home. Explaining to mom in a few sentences. She gets it. She says she'll be there in a bit too. I don't bother listening to what she says after that.
My mind is blocked till the time I get there. I reach her house. We don't talk that much anymore. Will she even want me there? I see another close friend of mine. I ask her how things are. She tells me we should go to P. I quietly follow.
We enter P's house. The corpse is still there. It will be moved in the morning. P's sitting there. Looking at her mom. Her mom is in a place far far away. P looks like she is too. I remember brief instances from our childhood. P was the apple of her moms eye. Her pretty && talented daughter. P was always embarrassed of her mom showing her off in public. It was cute. When P & I lost touch, her mom told us to stick together. Reminded us of what we had. She cared about P. && she cared about me because I was so important to P.
I felt something hollow in my stomach. Like suddenly some organ disappeared and was filled with just empty space. My friend sat down. Leaving some space between P & her. I took the sign & took that space. P didn't seem to notice I was there. She didn't seem to notice the half a dozen people in the room. Or the tears slowly flowing from her eyes to the floor in an abrupt stream. I put my arm around her and wept. For her loss. For mine.
Flash forward.
Present day.
You'd think someone who you've had so many memories with. Who has kept every secret. Believed every lie. Supported you even when you couldn't support yourself. That someone would stay forever.
But sometimes things don't turn out as planned. The friendship bracelets & the promise of 3rd grade is forgotten. You grow up. You also grow apart. & that is not just how life is, its how you choose it to be.
I could've stayed it touch. So could she. We could've made our friendship work. But we had distractions. Our friendship wasn't necessary. We were easily replaced.
She is someone I used to know. & now, even if we try to catch up, it can't replace the time lost.
I know If I need someone, she'd be there for me. But will I want her there?
Today, I could've gotten off the car && hugged her. Something that would seem the most obvious thing to do to the 10 year old me. But the 17 year old me is different. & the 17 year old me doesn't care. & sometimes I feel like going back in time because I don't know the 17 year old me myself...
More to come :)
xoxo
It was a Sunday night and the streets were still full of life. We were passing the building where I lived for about thirteen years. My dad slowed the car. We usually meet people we know there, since we know almost everyone. So its like a tradition. Going slowly to just spot people we know.
As we slowed, I caught a glimpse of my friend. I could've have yelled her name. I could have waved. I could've even smiled. & she'd notice. But I just didn't try to grab her attention. I wasn't ignoring her or anything. It just didn't seem important enough.
Flashback.
28th March 2005.
I am in 5th grade. My mom is a teacher. She makes me go to school every day. I have 100% attendance. I am a straight A student. I am the teachers pet. But I can bunk school today. & I'm not sick. Nor did anyone in the family die. I can't believe my mom allowed this.
Allowed me to bunk school to go to water kingdom. I had been dancing all morning.
It was my bestfriends birthday. To make things easy lets call her P.
Her parents asked my mom if I could go to Water Kingdom with P & her family to celebrate her birthday and surprisingly my mom allowed.
Water Kingdom was the place to be back then and to say that I was excited would be an understatement.
I remember this so clearly because I caught some virus at Water Kingdom and got chicken pox and haven't since visited it.
But I guess the point I'm trying to make is that we were best friends. I was the one friend she picked to spend her whole birthday with.
She was a year younger than me. && we didn't go to the same school. But lived in the same building & after school, we were inseparable. We were the 'cool kids'. The oldest also. We bossed over everyone. We were a team. Always.
Flash forward.
After passing my 'old building' or so to say. I plugged in my headphones, that I had momentarily disconnected in search of a known face, and blasted my music. The impact of what just happened didn't exist. I barely noticed I did something that I might regret.
Flash back.
May 2009.
My dad calls. I'm at home watching TV. I groan as I answer the phone. "Yes daddy, what now?" He sounds worried. He asks me to go to my old building. Right NOW. He isn't worried. Concerned. Yes. Why? I ask him. He tells me P's mom passed away. I don't believe it. I tell him it can't be true. Did he say grandmom? I never liked her grandmom much. No, dad says. Her mom. & I want you to go there & be there for her.
I rush out of home. Explaining to mom in a few sentences. She gets it. She says she'll be there in a bit too. I don't bother listening to what she says after that.
My mind is blocked till the time I get there. I reach her house. We don't talk that much anymore. Will she even want me there? I see another close friend of mine. I ask her how things are. She tells me we should go to P. I quietly follow.
We enter P's house. The corpse is still there. It will be moved in the morning. P's sitting there. Looking at her mom. Her mom is in a place far far away. P looks like she is too. I remember brief instances from our childhood. P was the apple of her moms eye. Her pretty && talented daughter. P was always embarrassed of her mom showing her off in public. It was cute. When P & I lost touch, her mom told us to stick together. Reminded us of what we had. She cared about P. && she cared about me because I was so important to P.
I felt something hollow in my stomach. Like suddenly some organ disappeared and was filled with just empty space. My friend sat down. Leaving some space between P & her. I took the sign & took that space. P didn't seem to notice I was there. She didn't seem to notice the half a dozen people in the room. Or the tears slowly flowing from her eyes to the floor in an abrupt stream. I put my arm around her and wept. For her loss. For mine.
Flash forward.
Present day.
You'd think someone who you've had so many memories with. Who has kept every secret. Believed every lie. Supported you even when you couldn't support yourself. That someone would stay forever.
But sometimes things don't turn out as planned. The friendship bracelets & the promise of 3rd grade is forgotten. You grow up. You also grow apart. & that is not just how life is, its how you choose it to be.
I could've stayed it touch. So could she. We could've made our friendship work. But we had distractions. Our friendship wasn't necessary. We were easily replaced.
She is someone I used to know. & now, even if we try to catch up, it can't replace the time lost.
I know If I need someone, she'd be there for me. But will I want her there?
Today, I could've gotten off the car && hugged her. Something that would seem the most obvious thing to do to the 10 year old me. But the 17 year old me is different. & the 17 year old me doesn't care. & sometimes I feel like going back in time because I don't know the 17 year old me myself...
More to come :)
xoxo
Amazingly written.
ReplyDeleteWhy thankyou :')
ReplyDelete