Sunday, August 21, 2011


Yes, I'm unhappy. I wish I could just pack up & leave because I hate everyone. I hate everyone around me for being happy. For having it easy. I want to have normal teen problems. Like thinking I'm too fat. Or wondering why he isn't texting me back.
I don't want to have to deal with all this. I just want to feel sane again.

How can I get any better, when I just dont want to?

Saturday, August 20, 2011

& I don't want the world to see me. Cuz I don't think that they'd understand.


3 words; 8 letters; GO TO HELL.

I'd rather feel nothing. Its better. Its easier.

If a girl understands your bullshit, sticks around through all your mistakes, && smiles even though you've done nothing for her. Then it's obvious she's a keeper, but it's also obvious that you don't deserve her.

I know you're sorry. I just don't know if that's good enough.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Random rant.

A couple of days ago I realised that the only times I write is when I'm mad, or pissed, or annoyed, or upset, or whatever. Negative emotions. I thought maybe I should start writing when I'm extremely happy. Because I'm happy quite often. I laugh a lot. [Tumblr<333] But my blog reflects me as this sad cynical person & so I decided I will write.
Obviously, being as lazy as I am, I didn't get to it.
Then today I saw someones tattoo which said "Art never comes from happiness." & it all suddenly made sense. I don't understand why, but most pieces of art aren't happy. You can't even tell if the Mona Lisa is smiling or not. These emotions only surface when you're unhappy. Happiness is too light an emotion. I don't know how I'm talking so deep & stuff & I can't even reason it but it just makes sense. :3

Monday, August 1, 2011

Blogging is therapeutic.


I hate it when we loose people. People who are important. Who actually mean something.
When you have a zillion people judging/ hating you without even knowing who you are, it feels good to have even 10 people you know you can trust with your life.
But what happens when one of those people is lost? If its your fault, its not until after your arrogance fades that the feeling of guilt creeps in.
But what when its their fault? What do you do? Hate one of the few people who mattered? Be mad? Confront them?
How could they let whatever you both had fade away? You thought you were just as important to them as they were to you. But they seem to be doing just fine without you.
It hurts. When someone replaces you. When someone forgets you. When someone is the one whose fault it is but you are left to deal with everything. Alone.
I know this makes no sense.
But there was this person in my life. Whether we spoke 5 hours a day or once a month, he was still one of the most important people in my life. We'd been friends for so long. What we had, it seemed easy. Like we don't need to explain what we're doing. Why we're doing it. The other person just gets it. We had jokes that probably no one else would find funny. We had long awkward spells. But we knew how much we mattered to each other. So it always seemed to fall back nto place. He was never very expressive about what he felt. Guess that was the biggest problem. But all that was said & done & in the past.
I feel shunned now. I don't even feel like confronting him because I feel like I'm just not important enough for him to waste time on.
I don't know if you'll ever read this. & I don't know whether it will make any difference. But I had to rant. Somewhere. Cuz I've been feeling awful. & lately, I've been finding it very hard to talk to people about stuff. So yeah.
I miss you so much.