Tuesday, April 17, 2012


Hello. I'm really high right now so pardon the insightfulness. Or actually, I realised, I'm always insightful on my blog. So don't.
But here goes.
Do you ever feel like you're doing nothing? Going no where with life? Just wasting away your time? Cuz I do. And I don't mean that I'm not spreading world peace or helping the starving kids in Africa. This is not one of those "What am I doing to make the world we live in a better place?" moments. Its more of "I wake up at 3 i the afternoon, sit in bed all day and eat ice-cream" kinda moments. Okay I lied. I woke up at 6 in the evening. Which is TOO late. Even according to my standards. And I haven't left my house in 3 days. I literally just sleep in bed, earn points on Pottermore, blog, read and eat. And its getting to me. Even going out for a movie or chilling with people would be DOING SOMETHING. But here I am, checking when all my shows come off hiatus so I have something to look forward to.
I already promised I'd volunteer at riding school for some of the camps. And those camps are a week long every now and then until June. And I'm stuck at home between those camps and I can't even join some sort of classes cuz I won't be in town long enough to finish a course.
So if anyone has any ideas of what I can do with all this time I have free, please feel free to message me. I feel so worthless and lazy its terrifying. So thats it for now. TA

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

What if, what if what they say is true? What if there in just one person for you out there. Your soulmate. Or whatever. & what if you're mine? What if we've ruined everything? What if I never find love because I let go of it when I had it. Because I wasn't patient enough? Didn't have enough hope or faith in our love. What if I end up with 20 cats? Cats aren't even very nice. What if, what if in the back of my mind I'm thinking about you on my wedding day. What if you're the one? And there is only one person for each one of us out there? What if I loose you forever? What if one day I need to talk to you and I unblock you and you're not there. What if you need me and try to get to me and find out that I died of tuberculosis or something? What if we lost the thing that people write books about. What if? What if we regret this our entire life? Should I just live with a lie? How is it possible to hate someone so much and still love them to death? What if I'm over-thinking? What if you're the love of my life, but I'm not yours. Why else would you lie, right? Sould I just go away? Should I stay? I don't know what to do anymore.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

i hate you.

I once had this friend. He would never admit it but I know I read my blog. He knew every story. When I'd posted it. Everything.
We don't talk anymore. But somewhere I hope he still reads this. Because I wanna let him know how horrible he has made me feel. He turned his back on me. I mean no wonder he chose her, she is so pretty and perfect. And maybe I deserved what I got. But it doesn't feel nice. To be replaced. To be forgotten. To think I was so easy to let go of.
Thanks for making me feel like crap. Okaybye.