Monday, June 10, 2013

"No matter how good things are, there will always be solitary nights you spend in your bedroom or car or in a party full of your closest friends when it feels like the walls are caving in." - Dan Campbell


I was in the rickshaw today and it was raining. I don't mind the rain as long as I'm indoors, warm and comfortable. I don't want to deal with the muck or the traffic or just being wet in general. So I was sitting there updating a bitchy bbm status and I saw these kids on the side of the street, just chilling. They were drenched. They weren't like dancing in the rain like a bollywood movie. Just standing, probably waiting for someone. But they didn't look particularly sad.
And then my rickshaw guy broke my spiritual brainstorming and started explaining the perks of taking the backroad.
I told him to do whatever he likes because even though I respect the kids for not hating the rain, I wasn't particularly pleased with the weather.
Then I saw this man, cleaning some kind of cloth in a puddle. On the street. For cleaning. And I remembered how I just told my dad we should probably buy a new washing machine. And hopefully a dryer cuz the rain.
Then I saw some woman making plastic doors for her house on the pavement.

It's unfair to say you can't be sad because someone else has it worse. I know it's as redundant as saying you can't be happy because someone has it better.
But I guess that's where perception comes to play. The way I look at children in the rain or what I think about a tumblr quote might be completely different from how my best friend sees it.
I just think that seeing things like that makes you humble, and grateful, and appreciative. It doesn't mean that you have to force yourself to be happy. Or to like the rain.

Moment of the day I guess

So I had a really long day today and it was pretty crappy cuz I really don't like the muck and traffic and wetness that rain brings. I like it when I'm indoors. When I can hear it outside. And feel grateful for warmth and lack of moisture.
So I was home and I was stalking my girlfriend's blog and I saw some posts and I knew they were about me. I mean she claims to be in love with me, we're in a legitimate relationship. It isn't likely she is reblogging cheesy posts with someone else in mind. So yes, I saw posts. And it just made me so happy that I get an insight into how she feels about me through mass produced text posts cuz she isn't much of a talker. Plus tumblr describes a lot of stuff very beautifully. And then I reblogged stuff form her blog. Which is cool because it shows how we have the same kinda feels for each other and I'm just really happy. So yay. 

For the first time, the tears won't come as easily. And I find myself begging to feel the pain.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

it's funny how certain things trigger memories. like, songs, smells, stuff like that. some make you sad and some capture you in a momentary deja vu. you can just close your eyes and you are then captured in the past.

Mending things

So today something spilled on my dressing table. Being the want-to-pee-but-too-lazy-to-move person that I am, I left the cleaning up to evaporation. A couple of hours later it still hadn't dried up. Turns out it was soap water from the bubble maker we won at Timezone the other day. So well, I decided to clean up. And I grabbed some toilet paper from my bathroom and started soaking it up. Then I felt slightly guilty for using paper because it would hurt the environment. Then I figured the alternative would be cloth. I find rags used for cleaning repulsively disgusting. I feel like if it was used to clean up a mess, it is infiltrated and should be thrown away. Then that obviously led to my deeper spiritual awakening where I realised that I do this all the time. When something is broken, I don't try to fix it. I try to throw it away. Or worse, let it stay broken right there. And it just causes me to find one more reason to end this pity party I'm throwing for myself. Maybe life is hard. Maybe it isn't hard for everyone, or maybe it is. Everyone is fighting their own battle and all that. But I can't sit here blaming circumstance and the mistakes I made in the past to hold from doing shit now. Like I'm so sick of giving excuses for myself, I need to stop disappointing myself. And then maybe I will stop disappointing everyone around me.