Monday, February 18, 2013

I just want to matter.

Sometimes I feel lonely. Unloved. And I tell myself that if people don't accept my flaws than they're not worth fretting over. But then I feel like its not the flaws. I feel like I'm not really a person. I have no personality. Nothing that stands out. Nothing particularly interesting or fascinating. People don't dislike me. Because they barely notice that I exist. I'm not special. I'm not anyones favorite. I'm just... kinda there. Or I'm important to people because circumstances make it that way. But no ones goes out of their way because they find me interesting and want to be friends with me. Not once. And that is worse than being disliked. 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

10 curiosities.

1. Memory. Like how it works. Not just in the human brain but in all forms. I know there is some biological/ technical explanation about information is stored. Maybe I should make an effort to find out.

2. Animals. Like how they think and communicate and how their psychology works. Every animal. If dogs can talk to other dogs. Or if they can talk to cats. If they’re more equipped than us to communicate or not.

3. Love. If different people feel it in different way, the way different people smell Amortentia differently, do they feel different things when they fall in love either?

4. The creation of the Universe. I’m stalking a mythology class and every culture has 382965 different explanations for how we came into being. Science too. I just don’t know which one to believe. Is there a greater power? Are we controlled by something?

5. After-life. Is it just a fullstop the minute we die, or is there an afterlife. Is there a heaven or hell? Guess I’ll never find out in this life.

6. Why horses can’t vomit. I know its a scientific fact. They can’t. I don’t know why. They can’t.

7. What the person I’m going to marry (If I ever get married) is doing at this very moment. Do they ever wonder what I’m doing? Do I already know them? Do they know me?

8. Is magic real? I would like to believe that this isn’t all there is. I want to believe in magic. In Hogwarts. And in elves and pixies and toys coming to life in the middle of the night.

9. Do I have a doppleganger somewhere? I grew up with the Olsen twins and I really really wanted a twin all my childhood. And I just wanna know if there is someone else out there who looks exactly like me.

10. Have I ever affected the life of someone I don’t even know?