Saturday, October 29, 2011


Well, a lot of my posts are about growing up & letting go of people.
Today I realised, I've let go of almost everyone. Every single person I used to call my 'best friend' two years ago is gone. With the exception of a few. I'd say 'with the exception of the few who will always remain'. But with everyone I've lost, I don't think I can say that.
& a few people, I can reason why I lost. Their girlfriend didn't approve of me. Or the only thing that kept us together changed. It may not make sense or seem like reason enough but at least its there. But some people, I really can't figure what went wrong. What I did. That made them cut me off.
& it makes me feel terrible about myself. People who called me their best friend don't bother to call for months. Don't bother to even make it to my 18th birthday.
& I'm usually the insensitive bitch. People presume that it won't make a difference to me. & that I'm strong. I'll get over it. & that I have enough people in my life to miss those few who go away. Truth is, I don't.
And I'm tired. Of fighting for everything in life.
Of losing people who promised they'd never ever leave.
It makes me sick. How easily priorities change. That has made me realise that I should really appreciate the ones who haven't.
Another meaningless rant. Gah :3

I wish I would take me own advice :3

You can't keep fucking with someones feelings just because you're unsure of yours.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Anuran Roy

Well, this post is about Boom. He is a very important part of my life & I don't even know how. We go months without talking. We meet once in 3 months or less. But he still somehow is so important.
Well, probably because I owe almost everything major that has happened to me in the past couple of years to him. If there was no Boom, there'd be no JD. Who is probably the most serious & mature relationship I've ever had. Unless you count Dev. Which also wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for Boom. & probably these aren't the best things that have happened to me. Dev is probably the worst thing that has happened to me (I'm still considering whether it was the best or the worst. I can't quite figure). But all of these things have made me who I am today. They have helped me mature. To make me the bitch I am. & quite frankly, I love myself. I wouldn't change a thing about my past. Yes, I haven't had the greatest life ever. Not even close. But I've come so far. Dealt with everything. & I do have days when I want to kill myself & everyone around me. But I guess that is how life is.
Apart from introducing me to the major guys in my life, Boom has also always been there. Looked out for me. Told me I'm messed up. Told me I should fix shit. Been a cynical asshole. But, you need a cynical asshole with all the fake-nice people around you. Someone who tells you that yes, you're in deep shit. But you're going to work & make it better.
Boom is also, most definitely, the weirdest friend I have. I've known the guy for over 5 years & I still don't get him. I have no clue why he does whatever he does.  But he does it. Screws up. Leaves the mess. & screws up all over again.
I'm quite glad I have a friend like you, Boom :) I just wanted to say that though you don't remember my birthday. & though we don't talk everyday. You're one of the people I trust the most. & you're a dick. But this is the post where I say nice things about you. So we'll just let that be.
Okay so thats it. KThnxBye :*