Hurt.

I hate it when we loose people. People who are important. Who actually mean something.

When you have a zillion people judging/ hating you without even knowing who you are, it feels good to have even 10 people you know you can trust with your life.

But what happens when one of those people is lost? If its your fault, its not until after your arrogance fades that the feeling of guilt creeps in.

But what when its their fault? What do you do? Hate one of the few people who mattered? Be mad? Confront them?

How could they let whatever you both had fade away? You thought you were just as important to them as they were to you. But they seem to be doing just fine without you.

It hurts. When someone replaces you. When someone forgets you. When someone is the one whose fault it is but you are left to deal with everything. Alone.

I know this makes no sense.

But there was this person in my life. Whether we spoke 5 hours a day or once a month, he was still one of the most important people in my life. We'd been friends for so long. What we had, it seemed easy. Like we don't need to explain what we're doing. Why we're doing it. The other person just gets it. We had jokes that probably no one else would find funny. We had long awkward spells. But we knew how much we mattered to each other. So it always seemed to fall back nto place. He was never very expressive about what he felt. Guess that was the biggest problem. But all that was said & done & in the past.

I feel shunned now. I don't even feel like confronting him because I feel like I'm just not important enough for him to waste time on.

I don't know if you'll ever read this. & I don't know whether it will make any difference. But I had to rant. Somewhere. Cuz I've been feeling awful. & lately, I've been finding it very hard to talk to people about stuff. So yeah.

I miss you so much.