Sunday, April 17, 2011

Confessions of a discarded soul.

I guess I was 14 when it all started. When we first started having crushes & boyfriends, though it didn't matter much back then...
You think you like me, I think I like you. Everybody is all cool playing truth & dare all the time. They ask you who your crush is. You tell everyone its me. They ask me, I say its you.
We're kids. Stupid. Immature. But we get the butterflies && stare at each other in class. Sit next to each other. Hold hands under the table.
Its cute. Looking back, its highly stupid too. But cute, nonetheless.
Then we grow up. Insecurities increase. Guys lead you on but date the sluts you'd break their heart. You never get the guts to tell the girl you like that you like her & watch her date jackass after jackass.
But what hurts the most is being the best friend. The third wheel.

So my best friend & I spend all our time together. We're inseparable. We love each others company & we do almost everything together. But now. She gets a boyfriend. & I'm single. & she doesn't want me to feel like she has chosen him over me. So she drags me along everywhere & I have to sit & watch them do all their cheesy-couple-y things & just sit their awkwardly. Smiling at all the people who are giving me looks of pity.
Its kind of worse when your best friend is a guy. You're supposed to bond with his girlfriend even though you think she is a total bitch. & SO not worth your best friend. But you just have to deal with it. Take one for the team.

But it doesn't stop here.

if your best friend is a guy, his girlfriend will always ALWAYS be insecure of your relationship. She won't let him talk to you. She'll consume all his time. She will conveniently convince him into discarding you. Since she is there now. & she can totally replace you. Your best friend puts up a fight. He tells his girl that you're important. But we all know how that story ends. You're expected to 'understand'.
Way to go.

My reason of writing all this began a couple of months ago. One of my closest friends boyfriend deleted me off BBM. It wasn't something I'd notice. I barely ever spoke to him and I didn't really realize I didn't have him on my list until I saw his updates on another friends phone. Then it struck me that I don't have him on my list anymore.I didn't bother asking him why he'd deleted me. I didn't bother asking my friend. It wasn't something that bothered me enough to find out why it happened.
Last night 'the boyfriend' start speaking to me on facebook chat. I told him I was offended that he deleted me, just in the passing. This was about 5 months after I noticed he wasn't on my list. He told me it wasn't him who deleted me. It was my friend who did. He said that she thought we got very close at some party 6 months ago & they had a fight.
He then asked me for my pin. I asked him how he was allowed to add me back now. He said that he wasn't. But he'd just deal with whatever happened.
I didn't want to be the one causing fights between my friend & her boyfriend. Hell no. But I guess I'd prefer if my friend came & told me that she was insecure herself before doing things that make me feel that she thinks that I'm an untrustworthy slut who'd hit on her boyfriend.

& I think this isn't the only time this has happened.

There was this guy I dated. About two years ago. We used to be really good friends before we started going out. We lost touch after we broke up. Probably because I dumped him kinda badly but that is irrelevant :P
Last month, I ran into him. We exchanged phone numbers & he added me on BBM.  That night we spoke for about 3 hours! Just catching up on things we'd missed.
The next day. The very next day. I spotted him on the road. I was in my car & couldn't stop & talk. So I looked for him on my BBM list. I couldn't find him. I thought it was some problem with my phone so I texted him. Saying I spotted him & that I couldn't find him on my BBM. He told me that his girlfriend deleted me because she was insecure. That was the last time we spoke.

Maybe posting this doesn't do the best for my reputation but I've never really cared about that :P It shows me to be the chick every girl is trying to save her boyfriend from. & I don't think that is something to be proud of. But I just think its stupid. To be so insecure. & that I honestly would never want to steal another chicks guy. I come from a broken family, I know what it must be like.
Also, I don't understand why I come off as the kind of person who'd be interested in other peoples boyfriends. Especially girlfriends of my ex boyfriends. Like honestly, girl. Keep him. Keep my sloppy seconds. I do not want them. That is the reason I left them in first place.

& this is not just for me. Or people who think that I'm going to take their boyfriend away. This is for all the chicks in the world who are insecure of this boyfriends ex girlfriends or best friends. Why don't you work on having a healthy relationship with your boyfriend to avoid him from leaving you rather than cutting him off the world to be with you?

Envy is a waste of time, dahlings. (:


There are so many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up. - Oscar Wilde.


Much love<3
xoxo

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