STUPIDSTUPIDSTUPID

Have you ever felt completely helpless? Like nothing you do in your life is under your control. Your parents, your friends, circumstances decide what way your life will go. & no matter how hard you try to fight it there always seems like there is nothing you can do.
& then one day, just some small thing pushes you off the edge. & then you cry & cry. You cry for yourself, & for the people dying in Japan & for yourself & the kids starving in Africa & then you curl up into this bundle of self-pity & get consumed by depression.
That happens to me. & now with the board pressure & everything, I happens more often than usual.
I miss my mom more than ever. I hate my dad's girlfriend even though she is nothing but nice to me. I hate my face. I hate my dad. I hate my friends. I'm such a loathing cynical piece of shit.
It makes me sick. I make me sick. The way I act like a bitch. The way I procrastinate. The way I fuck things up.
& I realise what I'm doing. & I realise the consequences. But I'll still just sit here & not do anything to make things right.
This is just a pointless rant of me admitting to myself once again about how stupid I am >.<