Happiness

So recently I've kinda made friends with this group of people. And they're literally the fun-est people I've ever met. I'm not saying they're the nicest or coolest or anything. They just genuinely seem to have a lot of fun. And the whole school agrees. Yesterday, I was with them and they were playing dare roulette and it wasn't just make out with so and so. They made everyone do hecka dumb things like go sleep on some random girls lap without saying anything and lay on the floor in a compromising position. And people actually did these. And I was just sitting there being hope it's not me hope it's not me.
I used to find these people intimidating and now I get why. They're just at this level of confidence and happiness that I can never achieve. I don't even know how to. I think sadness is beautiful and happiness can be shallow. It can come momentarily and leave you hanging. It can be alluring. Happiness is always accompanied by sadness. But sadness stands alone too. You can be so so sad. And in that moment the little happiness does more harm than good. It makes you chase something you might not yet. I'm not unhappy. There is no reason to be. I just think sadness has so much depth. And art never comes from happiness.
I'm sad only because I choose to be. But I want to stop. I want to give happiness a chance