Mending things

So today something spilled on my dressing table. Being the want-to-pee-but-too-lazy-to-move person that I am, I left the cleaning up to evaporation. A couple of hours later it still hadn't dried up. Turns out it was soap water from the bubble maker we won at Timezone the other day. So well, I decided to clean up. And I grabbed some toilet paper from my bathroom and started soaking it up. Then I felt slightly guilty for using paper because it would hurt the environment. Then I figured the alternative would be cloth. I find rags used for cleaning repulsively disgusting. I feel like if it was used to clean up a mess, it is infiltrated and should be thrown away. Then that obviously led to my deeper spiritual awakening where I realised that I do this all the time. When something is broken, I don't try to fix it. I try to throw it away. Or worse, let it stay broken right there. And it just causes me to find one more reason to end this pity party I'm throwing for myself. Maybe life is hard. Maybe it isn't hard for everyone, or maybe it is. Everyone is fighting their own battle and all that. But I can't sit here blaming circumstance and the mistakes I made in the past to hold from doing shit now. Like I'm so sick of giving excuses for myself, I need to stop disappointing myself. And then maybe I will stop disappointing everyone around me.