Wednesday, January 30, 2013

if there is one thing i wouldn't wanna be, its shallow

Lately, I've been surrounded by people. And I'm realizing how lonely it is. I might have felt like it before but not like this. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with my friends right now. But there is a lot I don't understand about them. A lot of things we absolutely do not have in common. I feel like a Chihuahua in a room full of Great Dane's if you know what I mean. I have to pretend to be excited for the things they're excited for. I have to fake interest. Make so much of an effort to keep the conversation going. Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy. I have been so busy I haven't had time to be unhappy. But I'm misplaced. I care too much about what I wear and what people are doing and I'm trying too hard to be someone I don't even want to be. I guess I'm just really confused. I'm looking for the Great Perhaps but I don't know where to find it. I don't know where I'm going with anything. Whether its life or this post. I just want to be that person who can find happiness in everything. I want to be that person who is honest and trustworthy and the person who doesn't care too much. I want to be the person I was yesterday. That person was closer to being the person that I want to be than I am today. I want to stop searching for love and just fall. I want to make tye dye shirts. I want paint with bubbles. I want to visit barcelona. I want to read. I want to play hide and seek in Ikea. I want to eat shawarma on Carter Road. I just want to be me. And be happy with being me. I want to feel like I belong. I want to get rid of the feeling that I'm not good enough. And get rid of a world that makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I want to be able to breathe. I want to be interesting. I want to make people feel special. I want to make someone smile. I want to one good deed a day. I want to pay a strangers tab at a restaurant. I want to stop judging people by what others think of them. I want to stop over-thinking. I want to quit smoking. I want to laugh. I want to fall in love with as many things as possible. 

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